We are approaching the end of the summer holidays, and as always, there is a mix of emotions for lots of mums who follow my social media…not wanting the holidays to end, but needing some space. Feeling excited for new beginnings for their children, but worried about how they will handle the change
There are massive changes coming for lots of children as they start school (or pre school) and the change will affect some more than others. Over the last 7 years, my busiest time of the year has been between October and Christmas, as the effects of school changes have taken their toll on children (and mums)…but not all children find it SO hard, so why do my clients?!
My clients struggle with school changes more because 90% of them experienced a difficult or traumatic birth.
Why would an experience at the beginning of their life impact their school changes 4 or 5 years later?!
There are so many reasons that trigger such difficult emotions for them, but it is all because birth experiences don’t go away.
We hold all of our experiences, and when something has been difficult or traumatic, and we are unable to process the experience and the emotions, it gets tucked away and resurfaces later on when triggered.
We must remember that however calm a birth, it’s our baby’s first big change. It’s the end of life as they have known it since conception…cushioned and held in their safe place, knowing your daily routine, listening to your voice, your movements rocking them to sleep. Then they begin a huge journey and are squashed and squeezed in ways they have never experienced.
So when you add difficulties, delays, a really quick birth, a really long birth, separation, pain or trauma into the mix, it can have a lasting effect on them on every level.
Fast forward to the first day of school (or pre school / nursery / change of teacher etc)…a big change, which triggers deep emotional memories of that first change. Separation that triggers the first time they were without their safe place, and wondered where on Earth you were.
All they have known changes, their foundations go from beneath their feet, and those painful memories come back to the surface.
It can be a shock, as although they will have experienced the emotions at birth, they might not have been able to make sense of them…and then tucked them away to be forgotten about (mentally). But they’re always there, waiting to come to the surface to be healed…whether it’s when they’re 5 or 35!
In order to cope well with change (and not go into fight or flight) we need to feel safe and secure…an unresolved traumatic birth will prevent full safety and security.
So if your Little One starts to struggle with changes or separation, it might be time to look a little further back.
Need help with the best way to support your Little One? I can help (and as always, there is a level accessible for everyone)
💕Join my FREE Facebook group “The Impact of Birth”, and watch my class “Helping Little Ones with Difficult Birth Memories”
💕Book a Mum’s Focus Session with me for tailored support ideas to assist your Little One (or book a double session and get the second one half price, just choose the option at checkout)
💕Want to work on healing the birth experience for both you and your Little One? Contact me to arrange a call to discuss my Birth Healing & Processing Package. I have just 3 places available for the autumn, and this process will free both you and your Little One from the trauma you experienced