I’ve been feeling very reflective this week. I came across a photo of Dexter at Violet’s age and was thinking about the difference in me now as a parent, to back then.
Then I started thinking about me pre children. I remember years before Dexter was born, watching Supernanny and thinking that was the way to be…naughty step all the way. Who was I?! If you e been following me for a while, you know that couldn’t be further from who I am.
I felt a change in me when I was pregnant with Dexter and knew that I could be having quite a sensitive soul…but nothing prepared me for the next few years, and nothing gave me any understanding throughout those early years.
The feeling of failure when I couldn’t work out what on Earth was going on…why he wouldn’t (couldn’t) sleep, why he couldn’t cope in certain situations, why he would melt down sooo much. Of course there was never just one answer, but compared to other children his age, it always seemed so extreme.
The feeling of guilt when I handled stuff badly, either because I was being triggered by his behaviour, was terrified, or just had not got a clue what to do
The feeling that the longer I got it wrong, the more screwed up he would be
The feeling that I wasn’t cut out to be a mum
Now don’t get me wrong, I still have days like this…but it’s not constant, and I can usually work out what’s going on for both children (or at least that there is something going on!) but oh my goodness, the difference is huge (or fuge as Violet would say )
I got support
I learned a lot…from my own children and the thousands I’ve worked with over the last 7 years
When you’re right in the thick of it, it can be so hard to work everything out yourself…working with so many children over the years has helped me understand my own children (and myself) more. Each child teaches you something else.
Now I let myself off the hook when I do get it wrong or handle something badly…I’m human and I’m not going to always get it right.
What I do have is a lot more understanding and a big toolkit of techniques and resources that I’ve built up over the years, as well as knowledge and an amazing support network.
So today, in the run up to the full moon and with everyone losing the plot (including the dog!) I didn’t always deal with it in the best way (because I wanted to be somewhere quiet by myself!) and I didn’t beat myself up…I put it right.
There are times when it’s easier to do this…but Christmas is one of the times when it can be tricky, AND I realised today that the next full moon lands just before Christmas.
Even the most chilled of children can get overwhelmed and susceptible to meltdowns at Christmas, but when they already have their emotions just underneath the surface, it can make it really really stressful…add a full moon in aaagghhhhhh! Christmas retreat, mums only anyone?!
Seriously though, we can either leave it all to chance, dread it, Deal With it (badly because we’re overwhelmed and exhausted too) and spend Christmas feeling like a guilty failure OR we can prepare.
I know what it’s like to have those overwhelming Christmas’s, with rollercoasters of emotions for EVERYONE…and I’m glad they’re behind me!
It’s given me an idea though, so I’m going to look at what I can work out to support you with this…you don’t need to feel like this, and there is so much you can do to support your Little One. I know, I’ve been there!
So, stay tuned until next week…I’m going to work on something over the weekend, ready to share with you next week. Your Christmas CAN be AMAZING!
In the meantime…
💕Rescue Remedy for everyone (for meltdowns)
💕Pine for you (for guilt)
💕Epsom salts with lavender (to chill everyone out)
💕Plenty of fresh air (to blow away the cobwebs & get grounded)
To get you through the next few days 💕