Who’d have thought it would be like this…

I’ve been feeling very reflective this week. I came across a photo of Dexter at Violet’s age and was thinking about the difference in me now as a parent, to back then.

Then I started thinking about me pre children. I remember years before Dexter was born, watching Supernanny and thinking that was the way to be…naughty step all the way. Who was I?! If you e been following me for a while, you know that couldn’t be further from who I am.

I felt a change in me when I was pregnant with Dexter and knew that I could be having quite a sensitive soul…but nothing prepared me for the next few years, and nothing gave me any understanding throughout those early years.

The feeling of failure when I couldn’t work out what on Earth was going on…why he wouldn’t (couldn’t) sleep, why he couldn’t cope in certain situations, why he would melt down sooo much. Of course there was never just one answer, but compared to other children his age, it always seemed so extreme.

The feeling of guilt when I handled stuff badly, either because I was being triggered by his behaviour, was terrified, or just had not got a clue what to do

The feeling that the longer I got it wrong, the more screwed up he would be

The feeling that I wasn’t cut out to be a mum

Now don’t get me wrong, I still have days like this…but it’s not constant, and I can usually work out what’s going on for both children (or at least that there is something going on!) but oh my goodness, the difference is huge (or fuge as Violet would say )

I got support

I learned a lot…from my own children and the thousands I’ve worked with over the last 7 years

When you’re right in the thick of it, it can be so hard to work everything out yourself…working with so many children over the years has helped me understand my own children (and myself) more. Each child teaches you something else.

Now I let myself off the hook when I do get it wrong or handle something badly…I’m human and I’m not going to always get it right.

What I do have is a lot more understanding and a big toolkit of techniques and resources that I’ve built up over the years, as well as knowledge and an amazing support network.

So today, in the run up to the full moon and with everyone losing the plot (including the dog!) I didn’t always deal with it in the best way (because I wanted to be somewhere quiet by myself!) and I didn’t beat myself up…I put it right.

There are times when it’s easier to do this…but Christmas is one of the times when it can be tricky, AND I realised today that the next full moon lands just before Christmas.

Even the most chilled of children can get overwhelmed and susceptible to meltdowns at Christmas, but when they  already have their emotions just underneath the surface, it can make it really really stressful…add a full moon in aaagghhhhhh! Christmas retreat, mums only anyone?!

Seriously though, we can either leave it all to chance, dread it, Deal With it (badly because we’re overwhelmed and exhausted too) and spend Christmas feeling like a guilty failure OR we can prepare.

I know what it’s like to have those overwhelming Christmas’s, with rollercoasters of emotions for EVERYONE…and I’m glad they’re behind me!

It’s given me an idea though, so I’m going to look at what I can work out to support you with this…you don’t need to feel like this, and there is so much you can do to support your Little One. I know, I’ve been there!

So, stay tuned until next week…I’m going to work on something over the weekend, ready to share with you next week. Your Christmas CAN be AMAZING!

In the meantime…

💕Rescue Remedy for everyone (for meltdowns)

💕Pine for you (for guilt)

💕Epsom salts with lavender (to chill everyone out)

💕Plenty of fresh air (to blow away the cobwebs & get grounded)

To get you through the next few days 💕

They don’t tell you this…

img_5697

They tell you…

That you’re both healthy and that’s what matters

That you’re both safe so it’s all ok

That your baby will have no memory of how difficult it was to arrive

That it’s ok, while they weren’t with you they were with Daddy

That they were only without you for a short while, they wouldn’t know any different

 

They don’t tell you…
(more…)

Treading Water

Don’t you think that being a mum is sometimes like treading water?

You’re ok as long as your energy is up and you haven’t got too much on

But the more you have to carry, the harder is it to stay afloat

Then a wave comes and takes you under for a while

You recover and carry on treading water (you’ve got no chance swimming forward, you’re stuck where you are for now)

You’re getting more tired but you keep on going, until another wave comes along…and takes you under again

How many more waves can you recover from?

How long do you want to tread water for?

How will you get to where you’re supposed to be when you can’t move forward?

How will you be who you’re meant to be when you’re so exhausted?

How will you be who your children need you to be?

Let go of what you’ve been holding onto

Let go of what holds you down

Release all the stuff you’re holding for other people

It feels daunting doesn’t it?

To let go of it, you know you might need to look at it…remember it, and that feels scary

I can help you, support you and walk alongside you in The Connected Child Programme…you don’t need to do any of this alone

Find out more HERE 💕

Why There’s No Such Thing as Coincidence with Your Child’s Behaviour

This may come as a shock to you but your child is never “just being naughty”. There’s always a reason why. To understand why your child is behaving a certain way you must get to the root of what’s causing it in the first place. So how do we go about doing that? By looking deeper.

At the very core of who we are lie layers upon layers of stories and beliefs we have created for ourselves. Those beliefs come from the experiences we have throughout life, especially in childhood. Every time we go through similar experiences, it triggers the emotion felt the first time around. If we have no way of processing, healing and releasing the emotion, those beliefs become reinforced, no matter how untrue they may be. When we hold onto emotions, we attract more of those experiences in to give us extra opportunities to heal. To help you understand this, here are some examples from my own life.

There was my 5 and a half-month-old baby, Dexter, and I in my car when we had a car accident. It had happened in June, a month after my birthday. Luckily, everyone involved walked away but it was, of course, traumatic for the both of us. It took a lot of work for us to process what had happened, and I thought that we had. 7 years later, 4 days after my birthday, I had another car accident. This time  10-month-old Violet was my passenger. Dexter got very scared and angry about it. We hadn’t processed the trauma from the first accident. The triggering of it all gave us another chance to release what we were still holding onto. (more…)

The Connection Between Birth & School Struggles

We are approaching the end of the summer holidays, and as always, there is a mix of emotions for lots of mums who follow my social media…not wanting the holidays to end, but needing some space. Feeling excited for new beginnings for their children, but worried about how they will handle the change

There are massive changes coming for lots of children as they start school (or pre school) and the change will affect some more than others. Over the last 7 years, my busiest time of the year has been between October and Christmas, as the effects of school changes have taken their toll on children (and mums)…but not all children find it SO hard, so why do my clients?! (more…)

It’s been traumatic…

It’s been a funny week (there’s a pattern to this I know…it will continue until 6th September!) We had nap resistance on Wednesday (typical when Dexter was out for the day, although I think it was me missing her window ), then on Thursday the inlaws came to help so I could work…it took Violet an hour to climb off me, and then her and Dexter just argued the WHOLE DAY!

Then yesterday we went to Nanny’s for the day, and Dexter had a scooting accident. I’d planned an evening of work last night, but I mostly sat in a hot Epsom salt bath with a glass of wine!

It was an accident, a fall. He was ok BUT it was traumatic at the time…for him and me, and his cousin who was the only one who saw the actual fall, and was quite grey afterwards. Violet laughed and said “funny Dexter” as she whizzed off on her own scooter, pretending that she was 4 and not 2 (I am in trouble there!) (more…)

Why the wall went up & how it came down

💕This is me 14 years ago

💕It doesn’t look like me and to be honest, I didn’t feel like me

💕I’d developed a hard outer shell a long time before

💕It was protection after many years of feeling misunderstood and not accepted

💕It was pretence after years of being told I was too sensitive

💕I was a party girl…work hard, play hard…always last one to bed

💕I was running away from myself and blocking out the hurt

💕Only a few people were let in, often they weren’t the right people…and I got hurt again

💕I built a wall around my heart that I thought would never come down

💕My husband started to take the wall down when I was 32

💕The rest came crashing down along with my outer shell at 35…when Dexter was born (more…)